Name: David Schwimmer.
Age: 49.
Appearance: Barely recognisable.
I’ll say. What happened to him?
What do you mean? I was a big fan, but I’ve lost track of him over the years. What’s he been up to since?
Since when? Since Friends ended, I guess.
Um, well, that was about 2004, wasn’t it? Since then he’s been mostly working at Goldman Sachs. You’re joking.
I’m not. He started in the financial institutions group, then went to Moscow to head up their Russian operations and eventually became global head of market structure. He’s a dark horse, that Schwimmer.
If you say so. What’s he doing these days?
He’s just been chosen to be the CEO of the London Stock Exchange. Wow. Is it a big role?
Pretty big. He’ll be steering the 217-year old exchange into an uncertain, post-Brexit future. It’s a drama, is it?
There was a fair bit of drama when former CEO Xavier Rolet stepped down abruptly in November amid claims he had been forced out. Schwimmer’s job will be to steady the ship. Can you describe his character in a few words?
“He is well-known for his robust intellect and partnership approach with clients and colleagues alike,” according to LSE chair Donald Brydon. I’m not sure this is going to be my kind of film, to be honest.
It is not a film. This is real life. I don’t follow you.
David Schwimmer is becoming CEO of the actual LSE, replacing actual interim CEO David Warren. This is completely insane!
I think he’s generally considered to be a safe choice, but ... First Joey on Top Gear, now this!
Hold on a moment. I think you may have got the wrong end of the ... I mean, what next? Is Rachel gonna be named head of MI6?
Please calm down. Not that that wouldn’t be hilarious, but ... This is a different David Schwimmer. What?
This is the 49-year-old capital markets expert David Schwimmer, not the 51-year old actor who played Ross in Friends. Do you understand? Of course I do. Is he bringing his monkey?
No, he isn’t. Probably for the best. It’s time he moved on.
It’s time we all moved on, frankly. Fair point.
Do say: “David Schwimmer’s appointment should end the troubled boardroom relations that have plagued the exchange since late last year.”
Don’t say: “We were on a break!”
