You know what I love about capitalism? Its optimism. Even in the direst of circumstances, it is always able to find a silver lining.

Take climate change, for example. After weird weather and ominous warnings of more to come, many of us are freaking out about an environmental apocalypse. Indeed, a new poll shows record numbers of Americans are worried about climate change and, after last year’s heatwave, concerns about the issue have soared in Britain.

Now, it seems that big companies are equally worried about global warming, but they are thinking about the future with cool heads. Rather than being consumed by doom and gloom, or considering the idea that we should curb consumerism, corporations have realised climate change is an exciting business opportunity. You can see evidence of this in recent disclosures to CDP, a UK-based environmental reporting NGO that surveys companies on the “risks and opportunities” they face because of changing weather patterns. The 2018 disclosures, reported by Bloomberg last week, provide a fascinating insight into how some of the world’s largest corporations are, as Bloomberg puts it in a headline, “Getting Ready to Monetize Climate Change”.

Let’s start with the pharmaceutical industry, which is particularly well placed to profit from our dystopian future. As Merck notes in its disclosure to CDP, climate change may lead to “expanded markets for products for tropical and weather-related diseases including water-borne illness”. AbbVie sees similar opportunities, saying that its “immunology product line could see an increase in sales” as a result of more extreme conditions. And Eli Lilly, another large pharmaceutical company, cites research showing climate change may increase the risk of diabetes by “curtailing physical activity, disrupting traditional food supplies, and increasing food insecurity”. While that is sad and all, the upside for Eli Lilly is a potential increase in demand for its diabetes products.

It’s not just big pharma that sees dollar symbols in disaster. Honda reckons its generators may empower its consumers when the world’s infrastructure crumbles. The company notes that “the Katrina disaster was followed by a 27% increase in unit sales of [Honda] generators”. Meanwhile, the Home Depot is optimistic that, at the very least, it will sell more ceiling fans “should temperatures increase over time”.

The tech industry, as one would expect, is taking an innovative view of how an apocalypse may affect the bottom line. Apple thinks that “as people begin to experience severe weather events with greater frequency” they will become increasingly glued to their mobile phones. It notes that, as well as helping you check in with your loved ones, your iPhone can “serve as a flashlight”. Which takes the idea of seeing the bright side of a bad situation to a whole new level.

Apple also says that, if disaster strikes, you can charge your mobile device using “hand cranks”. Few people do that at the moment, but don’t be surprised if you see iCranks, Armageddon-proof iPhone chargers, hitting a store near you soon. All in all, Apple says that if it is “successful in creating products attractive to people whose purchasing habits are changing due to concerns about climate change” it could raise annual net sales by $2.3bn (£1.75bn). That’s something to be cheerful about as the ice melts, eh?

Anyway, while there are plenty more examples of corporate climate-change optimism, let’s skip to the moral of this story, which is that, when it comes to global warming, we should all be acting more like multinationals. Rather than worrying about the planet being destroyed, why not ask yourself how you can best monetise the rest of your time on Earth? Invest in big pharma. Get a hand crank. And don’t lose sleep over deforestation – after all, money doesn’t grow on trees.