How to be a manly man, according to Zuck
Please excuse my “feminine energy” for a moment while I give a dainty little shudder. My delicate constitution, you see, has been terribly disturbed by the overpowering masculine energy of two very manly men: Mark Zuckerberg and Joe Rogan. The Meta CEO appeared on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast recently for a very long chat and there was so much testosterone in that studio it’s a wonder the walls didn’t explode.
If you are in a masochistic sort of mood and have almost three hours that you’d like to never get back, then feel free to go and listen to the podcast yourself. But the too-long-didn’t-listen highlight is that the Meta CEO reckons that the business world has got a little bit too feminine. Zuckerberg, who built his media empire by making a website to rank women’s looks and called his first users “dumb fucks” for trusting him, thinks corporations should celebrate “aggression” more. Corporations, according to Zuck, have been “neutered” and need more “masculine energy”. He then went on to say that while “feminine energy” is good, corporate culture had swung too far that way and should reclaim its masculinity.
What exactly is “masculine energy” anyway? Other than a woo-woo way to talk about old-fashioned ideas about gender roles, I mean? The Meta CEO didn’t define its parameters, but I have helpfully done some digging and compiled a quick guide to boosting your masculine energy in five Zuck-approved steps.
1. Thicken your neck. At one point during their conversation Rogan stops to admire Zuck’s neck which, apparently, is a lot bigger than it used to be. (I can’t say I’ve noticed but that’s probably because I’ve been distracted by the tech guru’s more general street-chic metamorphosis.) The pair went on to talk about how important a strong neck is for martial arts, which is one of the billionaire’s passions, and Zuckerberg says he’s worked hard on his neck so he doesn’t hurt his brain while fighting. “I’m going to be running [Meta] for a while,” Zuck explains, “and the number one thing you need to do in addition to having great partners is have a strong neck.” OK.
2. Fawn over thin-skinned presidents. Thick necks are important for fighting, but they’re also a must-have when you’ve made a habit of bowing down to Donald Trump the way that Zuckerberg has. Otherwise you’re liable to get a nasty crick in your neck from bending over to kiss the ring so much! While Zuck was once in Trump’s bad books, he’s now rejigged Meta’s structure to be more Trump-friendly, and flattered the incoming president so extensively that the pair seem to be on their way to becoming BFFs. I didn’t realize masculine energy involved quite so much sucking up but I guess the manly Mr Mark is the expert here, isn’t he?
3. Kill some wild pigs. Zuckerberg likes to kill the feral pigs in Hawaii with a bow and arrow while Rogan likes to use a rifle. The pair had a riveting conversation about the merits of each method.
4. Throw your former female colleagues under the bus. Last September, Zuckerberg said one of the biggest regrets of his career was apologizing too much and taking responsibility for things he didn’t think he was responsible for. Now he seems to be living by the ethos that a real man never accepts responsibility. The New York Times recently reported that during a meeting between Zuckerberg and top Trump advisers – including Stephen Miller – “Mr Zuckerberg blamed his former chief operating officer, Sheryl Sandberg, for an inclusivity initiative at Facebook that encouraged employees’ self-expression in the workplace.” Zuck said he would undo all that rubbish and, according to the Times, made clear “he would do nothing to obstruct the Trump agenda”.
5. Find a posse of other manly men to hang out with. Rumour has it that Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg might all sit together at Trump’s inauguration. Which would be very cute, wouldn’t it? The Three Musk-eteers, all exuding masculine energy together. Maybe Musk and Zuck can finally have that cage-fighting competition they keep talking about. Bezos can referee.
While the tips above will help you up your masculine energy, the most important component of Zuck’s real-man-rulebook appears to be ignoring any facts that contradict your worldview. After all, do you know what didn’t come up in Zuckerberg’s lament about the corporate world being too feminine? The fact that, for several years, there were more men called “John” leading major companies than female S&P 500 CEOs. The fact that, as of August 2024, women ran 5.6% of businesses on the Global 500 – down from 5.8% a year before. In the Fortune 500, which measures the largest US-based companies by revenue, things are a bit better, but (as of June last year) only 10.4% of CEOs were women. The facts would seem to suggest that there is still plenty of masculine energy in corporate America. But, as Zuckerberg has made very clear recently, factchecking is very last season.
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