And twenty-thirdly … Any Rachel Reeves speech is always going to be something of an ordeal. As much for her as anyone listening. A battle for meaning. Music to the ears of insomniacs. Tractor production is up again.

In fairness, you could say that none of this matters. You don’t pick a chancellor because she can deliver a decent speech. You pick her for her grasp of detail and understanding of macroeconomics. A serious subject demands a serious politician. Someone who can walk the walk. Even if she struggles with talking the talk.

Let’s face it. You’d need to be a masochist to want Kwasi Kwarteng or Jeremy Hunt back. KamiKwasi was … KamiKwasi. Jezza was a nice enough bloke but he knew less about economics than I do. Chosen only because he was the last senior Tory standing. A man who could more or less pass himself off as a chancellor. Until he opened his mouth.

Even so, a speech lasting 48 minutes felt like an act of cruelty. A throwback. Surely this could have been done and dusted in half an hour. After all, most of it had already been heavily trailed over the past week or so.

Some of it was painful to listen to. Even Rachel could tell she was losing her audience at times. But she had no choice but to carry on as others zoned out. Three times she raised our hopes with the words “and finally”. Only to dash them. Not the beginning of the end. Merely the end of the beginning.

This was The One with Rachel Talking About Growth. Just don’t call it a relaunch. Another relaunch, to be more accurate. For the first six months of its time in government, Labour has struggled to get its message across to an indifferent country, and an overtly hostile media, and has sought to reinvent itself on at least three occasions. At times it has almost sounded apologetic for the measures it has taken rather than proud to take the necessary steps to get the economy and the NHS working again.

No. This speech definitely wasn’t a relaunch. It was ground zero. Just pretend that last few months never happened. The speech the chancellor should have given much earlier. Right from the start, Reeves tried to be more upbeat. As though there were notes slotted in to the teleprompter reminding her to smile as she spoke. Less of the ministering angel of death. More the bringer of good news. Just a little awkward that Cheerful Rachel is Shouty Rachel. “Be happy!” she yelled.

The opening 25 minutes were almost all vibes. Growth had been flat for a while. Blame the Tories for that. They had had 14 years to work on that and had achieved next to nothing. Her budget had been tricky. But necessary to fix the £22bn hole. She didn’t mention anything about it also having dented business confidence. Why bother? This was her speech. She could say what she wanted. And she was here to be upbeat. In any case, it wasn’t as if the Conservatives had come up with a better plan. They wanted the spending. Just didn’t want to pay for it.

A sign started flashing at the back of the room: “Look happy.” There were worries Rachel might revert to her natural gloomy self. After stability, there would be reform. Remove regulations that were holding us back. This could have been the moment to say we would try to rejoin the customs union. The one thing that could kickstart growth almost immediately. Most of the country would love it. Only 30% now think Brexit was a good idea. But Labour dare not rock the boat.

The red tape would be excised from planning laws. Bats and newts would get it in the neck. There would be no wildlife safe from a bulldozer. Cats. We had all had enough of cats. Don’t get her started on ferrets. Labour would be the party of the builders not the badgers. Sorry, blockers.

You could sense that everyone in the room was beginning to flag. Journalists were beginning to look for a copy of the speech on their phone to see how much more there was of this to come. A lot. The man on the teleprompter was working overtime. Trying to speed the text through to make Reeves go faster. Alerts that she was losing the room.

But Rachel is an economist through and through. Not one to be sidetracked. She had started so she would finish. “This is all welcome news,” she said. As if she felt she needed to explain that. Just in case anyone imagined she had inadvertently drifted off topic. Or nodded off.

Still no one could ever claim Reeves was less than thorough. Or short of specifics. The last 20 minutes were given over to all the projects she intended to set in motion. The levers of growth. Or the growth of levers. Having got down to the upgrade of an unmade no through road to the B41776, we then got on to the more exciting stuff. A golden rail link between Oxford and Cambridge, along with several new towns along the way. The green light for the third runway at Heathrow. Just don’t mention our net-zero commitments. Just bank on low-emission aircraft.

There was just one catch. Many of these new announcements felt decidedly old. Politicians have been talking about the Oxford to Cambridge line for decades. Likewise the third runway. That’s been on and off for the last 20 years. Who knows if any of this will ever get built? Or whether it will do anything to deliver growth in the current parliament? Or whether the next government will cancel everything, cut taxes and crash the economy? Just for the hell of it. We mortals are just guinea pigs for their experiments.

And finally … Rachel really did mean finally. We had got to the end. A shared endeavour few of us would ever remember. But a triumph nevertheless. Survival is all. She then raced through the questions, congratulating the Sky reporter for noticing her “exciting plans” – he will never live this down – before heading off for a debrief.

For the first time, the government sounded vaguely optimistic. As if it was in with a chance. The mood carried on to prime minister’s questions, where Keir Starmer once again dealt with Kemi Badenoch easily. Then again the Tories aren’t really the enemy. They are merely a distraction. The real target is the economy. And maybe Labour is now in with a shout.